Hope and Determination

January, 2017

 Not much of any real significance happened today. The voices were not too bad but they were present. I tried to lie down for a little bit when I first got home, but “they” started to get in real close with their chatter and they also started up with the physical sensations. Whenever I try and take “a siesta” in the afternoon, they always hit me up with their antics. But, I keep trying. Just last week I managed to pull off a three-hour nap in the afternoon. That was a rare thing and it was glorious.  I’m hearing their fragmented chatter right now as I write this but it’s real choppy. It seems I can more instinctively block them out now with less effort. I hope that this trend continues. Wait, I guess they didn’t like what I just wrote. Now they’re starting up with some physical sensations as I sit here and write this. I’m feeling some of the usual sensations on my back and on my left leg.

 It’s all certainly very strange no doubt about that. But, I’m so desensitized to most of it now that it hardly phases me anymore. Of course, I would much rather be without all of this, but I’m not going to let it throw me into a state of despair. Adapt and overcome, that’s what it’s all about. I often had trouble trying to force this upon myself in the past, but as time goes by, it’s just coming to me more naturally.

 Ok, seems like they’ve quit it with the physical sensation for now. Of course, it sucks that “they” monitor everything that I write in my journal. I know they’re not fans of it, but I don’t give a shit. I can’t let them stop me from doing this or that anymore. That would just be giving power back to them and I’m determined to keep working towards taking as much power away from them as I possibly can. It’s a process, it’s literally one day at a time, but it can be done. I’m slowly pushing them further and further into the background. They certainly are tenacious and they won’t go into the background quietly. But, we have it within ourselves to take their power away from them. It just takes some hope and determination.

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