Lately it feels as if I’m not into the idea of having people close to me. I have plenty of people who care about me or love me. I feel sometimes that I can barely keep up with keeping them happy. They reassure me that I don’t have to worry about anything, that they don’t need anything and I’m free to take a break if needed. Still. Relationships need you to be attentive, not to abandon my job as their friend.
I thought possibly it was depression at first, then laziness, and now I have come to terms that I have lost interest in some, if not most, of the people who care for me.
Even if it’s sending a simple text, I can forget them for days without even noticing their gone. My boyfriend said something rotten to me one day, and even-though I forgive him, it’s as if he’s invisible to me. I feel bitter towards him, very. He always tells me he loves me or apologizes again for what happened, but I don’t feel the same anymore. I feel as if I would be wasting a good relationship with him if I decided to break up with him. We have been dating for two years, and before February, we spent most of our free-time together. I sometimes wonder if I can ever fix our relationship back to what we once had. Two years is a long time for me. All the time we spent together, exchanging gifts, talking to each-other, I miss it all. I don’t love him like I used to though.
I’m usually very social, but lately I’ve been more withdrawn. It bother’s me because I’m afraid that if this keeps up any longer, then I won’t have any friends or people to talk to. Yet, I’m not sure how I’m supposed to somehow become interested in maintaining my relationships with everyone. If I take a break, then I know I might never want to go back to what I had.