January 5th, 2017

I admit that I stayed in bed sometime around the afternoon with a bowl of vanilla ice cream, and skipped out on exercising for the rest of the day. I really wasn’t feeling too into anything today. I just sat in my bedroom for the majority of the time with my studies and mulling over life in general. I spent about an hour and a half trying to record my speech but to no avail, I gave up because of both frustration and the fact that my brother’s booming voice could be heard in the background. I waited until everyone was “Supposed” to be in bed. Apparently it was snack time though for my brother, so…How inconvenient.He’s been eating all the yogurt too.

I actually almost burst into tears over a recording that I couldn’t seem to master, no matter how much I practiced my speech. I took possibly over forty recordings, which all had to be deleted. Overall, I’m exhausted.

I feel a bit worried about how getting my driver’s license will be. I really don’t want to have to figure everything out on my own. My mother isn’t the type to sit around and babysit me, no matter how difficult or useless I am when it comes down to it.

I just hope maybe she might be in a good enough mood that she wouldn’t mind helping me with the majority of the process. I’m not very smart when it comes to normal everyday life situations that my parents might have. Such as driving, paying billings, even learning how to schedule her appointments. I just don’t have any experience, and no one teaches you in school about any of the important things you need as an adult, nothing about taxes, or insurance,  essentially nothing! So I asked her to lead me through the process. I guess I’m just realizing how close I am to actually becoming more independent, less dependent on my parent’s. 

I’m only a bit bothered by the fact that once I am of legal age, then my mother might no longer give me anymore guidance, which sorta is hard to come to terms with. Face it, I’m useless without her. Absolutely hopeless. I feel more as if I’m racing ahead of my friends at an unwanted pace. 

I never had to think about what being an adult actually means, and no one really cares until they get to a certain age. I never thought about it before, I wish I had sooner.

I never have ever been allowed to waste time, my parent’s never allowed that. I’m not allowed to go at a slow pace, because I know they both want me to get myself together, enough that I won’t need them eventually. I guess that’s every parent’s job though, just that mine want it to happen a bit faster. 

I’m not particularly excited about anything that might happen in my future, only that I don’t know what the future has to bring, and that’s where the excitement comes from.

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