Motivation.

Its been awhile. But been very busy. Getting back to work and getting back into the swing of things has been a challenge itself. Over that time i have told him how i really feel. How I cant live this way anymore. I want change. I need change! Surprisingly i thought things went well. We have a GREAT conversation. Explained how we wanted to do things. No more arguing. Let it be all about Kalianne. Which is how it should be in the first place…. Hm… Anyhow. Me actually thinking that was wishful. But doubtful none the less. And as i know him there is always a catch.  It backfired. “He realizes he screwed up now” NOT! can you even imagine how many times i have heard that before? Entirely to many to count. Then out of the bull he will make another comment on how we should do things ” during this separation” Very confusing. Turned into asking me to have sex and ” we can still do what we want”.. He has completely lost his mind.  Naturally that didn’t end well when I told him fuck off. Sticking to my plans tho. I’m going to get out. People think i’m crazy leaving my house for him but that is the only way this is going to work. He wont truly realize i’m gone until i’m no longer there. Until i cant take care of Kali while he plays of his phone or watches TV.  I’ve became so bitter to this man. Tho i don’t wish harm on him. I don’t hope anything terrible happens to him. He has had a extremely rough life but i cant be the foundation forever. Its time to try things differently.  To sum up my vacation quickly. It was the BEST start for the new year. I want this year to be my year. Mine and Kali’s year. things getting better. Loving life. I just want to be happy. The the qualifications in men has increased.  He’ll have to be a hell of a man to take this heart again. I don’t like to think of myself as damaged. More of a working progress. Going to try to give some of my attention to the man up stairs. We haven’t talked in awhile. And as usual. I always have a lot to say. I wonder if any poor soul actually reads my rambling on. I swear i’m not crazy. 

 

 

Sweet Dreams ]\

Kayla Nicole

 

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