I think I cry again and again about the same issues, and suddenly dive into depression in this relationship, because this isn’t anything close to what a normal relationship is supposed to be after almost a year. Because my last relationship was with someone who wanted to marry me before we even started dating, and who fought for me when I decided to break up. And I’m currently with a guy who wouldn’t call me his girlfriend for the first 4 months, occasionally behaved inappropriately with other girls in front of me (which is now the reason why I would never trust him in a long distance relationship), who has claimed multiple times that a breakup would be my sole decision and he would just accept it, who actually showed up completely empty handed on my birthday and didn’t feel embarrassed about it even after my friend called Jim out on it, who asked me to take down any pictures of his from my social media when he saw that I had tagged him in a few, without even taking a look at them or trusting my judgement about what would be appropriate, who barely takes out 2 hours in 3 weeks to meet me in spite of the fact that we live in the same city, who hasn’t given me a single thing as a girlfriend, be it chocolates or flower or a tiny teddy bear, whereas I was the one trying to bake a cake when he got his first salary, and bringing in champagne when he officially got done with his degree after submitting his thesis, a thesis I proofread (a favour that was very conveniently not returned when I asked for help). At this point, I don’t even know why I’m in this relationship anymore.
This would be my expression, and sometimes venting of anxiety or frustration for everything that makes up my life. A diary couldn't serve the purpose as I needed the comfort of knowing that someone somewhere might be listening to me.