Saturday, October 22, 2016
Intrusion, intrusion, intrusion…that’s the situation I find myself dealing with. These malevolent spirits that have been following me, harassing me, that have essentially been attached to me are a constant presence. I often wonder why they simply aren’t bored by now and call it quits and leave. I really don’t have an answer to this question. But what I do know is that they are constantly near me, observing everything that I do, making comments and mocking jest towards me all of the time. This evening, the image of an ant farm popped into my head. That’s how I feel about this situation, it’s like I’m living in an ant farm and I am the ant, my day to day life being constantly observed by these intrusive spirits. Back in the first few months of this situation, this realization caused me much distress, more distress than I can describe with words. During these first few initial weeks and months, day by day I was losing all sense of privacy, of what it was like to feel alone, when feeling alone in my own home was something that I wanted and missed terribly. Wherever I went and whatever I did, “they” were right there with me. In the shower, in the bathroom, eating my breakfast, trying to sleep at night, the voices were always there with me, making comments about me.
This absolute and utter intrusion is still something that I’m faced with to this day, but what has helped me to no longer be as distressed over it is in few words…I stopped giving a shit. Of course, I want this whole situation to end and these harassing spirits to leave me alone for good, but if they’re not going to do that for the time being, then I’m not going to let them make me feel like a stranger in my own home where eyes are constantly upon me. The hell with that, if they have nothing better to do than to watch every little thing that I do then that’s in part, their problem, what does that say about them?
Aside from the lies that they tell, they use their constant presence and observation of you (with commentary) as an intimidation factor. More twisted stuff from their bag of tricks. Just like with dealing with and overcoming their lies and deceptions by recognizing them for what they are, their power can be taken away from them in this regard as well. Now I go about my life and do the things that I want to do despite their presence. They are an annoyance to me now and little else. If I’m the ant in this ant farm situation, then I’m going to go about my simple ant life regardless of their presence. To do otherwise would give them back power over me, which I’m determined to keep taking that away from them to a greater and greater degree