Impatience

9:26 PM-

I’m a bit impatient as of right now. I’ve been eating healthy, tracking my calories, exercising at least an hour everyday, but I can’t help but feel so impatient. Today I did something bad, and I bought a chocolate/Ice cream bar over at the grocery store(was very inexpensive thankfully). Later on, about an hour ago, we made brownies(Which I ate two pieces). Thankfully they were a bit on the excessively sweet side, so I never got down to eating more than two pieces.

I do feel a bit guilty since I only exercise about an hour today. I feel so lazy and I overate both yesterday and today since I end up eating before dinner is ready, and then I end up having to eat dinner with my family, leading me to feel overly full and as if I’m ten pounds heavier. I also feel rather lazy since I don’t feel like exercising at all.

I ended up staying in to study for History finals.I’m just glad I’m feeling a bit better after crying(again). I cry every-time I skip my exercise for something else. It makes me feel so overwhelmed, and then I start to overthink. 

I just worry if I am actually losing weight, even if I exercise more than I probably should be doing at the moment. I actually even begin to think that I should give up since I will NEVER be able to lose weight.

I can’t wear cute clothes, or feel beautiful in my own skin, no matter what I do. It’s so frustrating. There were these over-the-knee boots that I bought on sale for only 16.99, and I feel embarrassed about wearing them now after I spent my spending money on them. I was told they looked cute, but about a day later, I was told they made me look promiscuous, apparently I was only told they looked cute since she was being nice. I wish she was honest for once…

I can’t seem to ever do my makeup right either, I feel like an overall mess.

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