I wish I at least knew why I don’t have friends really. Only a few months ago I had several people I texted just about daily. One I noticed only texted me back so I stopped texting her first. Haven’t heard from her in a month. A while ago she had believed some misinformation about me and it looked like I was lying about something important. I explained and showed proof that I wasn’t lying and she claimed to have believed me but I don’t think she did. Things weren’t the same.
Another idk what happened. She blocked me on fb and never answered my texts again. Just out of the blue.
Another just stopped texting. Another idk why.
I do text one person daily but it is really just a hi every morning. I just went through my contacts list and really that is it. What is wrong with me?? I try to be a good friend. I listen and try not to talk about myself too much and I try not to complain. Yet. I’ve got nobody. And it isn’t like I live in a small town where the potential friends pool has been the same all my life. I’ve lived all over and am in a very large city right now. I get out a lot and talk to people. Yet… for some reason I repulse people. I wish I knew why.
I thought I would be okay with my books and my school and my knitting. But I am so very lonely. I can’t stand the loneliness. I’ve called my spouse 3x in the past 2 hours (he’s overseas for work for another few months) just because I’m so lonely. My text ringtone is the same as a notification from fb on my phone and every time I hear it my heart jumps because I am hoping somebody likes me enough to want to talk to me. But I am always disappointed.