January 5th, 2017

Thursday, January 5th, 2016-7:17 PM

   I sometimes wonder how my parent’s relationship and marriage hasn’t fallen apart. After he cheated on her a year ago, I almost assumed there would be a divorce that soon followed. My mother’s reaction to his cheating and my father’s reaction to what he had done, made me question just how long it really would last.

   Cheating on her had torn her apart emotionally, and even-though it’s been a year, she still suspects him, and I am sure somewhere inside her there are feelings of bitterness towards him. He never apologized. He just smirked a bit, a habit both me and my father share whenever we are caught doing something bad. She was very angry, especially since it was with her longtime friend she had known for so long, and trusted.I guess I was angry too, and she thought of leaving him.
   They are still together now, even if their fighting seems to have increased. Are they happy? Yes and no. Maybe if he hadn’t smiled in that way when she asked him if he had cheated, it might not have been ingrained in her head so much. Lately I’ve felt tension in the air around them. Massively. Usually I would never have noticed, but it makes me more uncomfortable than usual, and I’m not sure why. Even when no one says anything, I can tell exactly how someone is feeling before anyone even thinks of it.

   My mother made him angry again last night, which sorta just makes him grumpy and less tolerant of me. My brother somehow manages to stay out of their way, even-though he’s in the living room with them constantly, which is probably why their a bit more tolerant of him since he spends more time with them.

   I don’t feel the need to care about what them as much as I probably should, it’s always been that way. I don’t care about them like I should.I respect them a lot, but I don’t have the same relationship average parents have with their children. From my mother’s perspective, I’m more of a friend that she doesn’t want to see leave the house one day to go off to college some place.She isn’t afraid to be open with me, no matter how deep it might be, or personal. She never was comfortable enough to give me emotional support, and wasn’t into the idea of sticking around for parent-teacher conferences(or anything to do with my schoolwork/attendance/emotional needs/ anything to do with me) by the time I started eighth grade. She want’s to go back to school, do what she wants and such. She claims she wants to go back to school and such, can easily do it, just plainly isn’t up for it yet(I’m guessing). I respect and support what she want’s to do with her life. It just feels sometimes like she get’s more emotional support than I ever have.(Minus friends)I also feels both my parents have always been rather absent and have always done their own thing, which that has only increased every year as I get older.

   Whenever I am hit with a case of depression, someone finds out and the next day I’m handed a bar of chocolate and told to get over it. Needless to say, I dislike chocolate bars more than anything now. She assumes their hormones and that my problems will be whisked away with a chocolate bar. Usually she can be as vocal with her emotional needs as much as possible, but I have to go to some of my friends.Most of the time if I am ever depressed, I get over it since I have other things that need to be done and I can’t sit in bed and feel sorry for myself. So I do fine without a chocolate bar, which just makes me feel fat, and then more sad after I get done eating it since I feel guilty then.
I have very nice friends that I can emotionally support and be emotionally supported by. Without them, I wouldn’t be as happy as I am now. Even If it sounds strange, even if there is an emotional distance between my parents and I, I am comfortable with that. I have a relationship with my parents, it’s just a bit different from what they had wanted. I honestly don’t feel like getting close to my parents as of right now(or for a long while), it doesn’t seem like a good idea with how they have been feeling lately. I personally think it’s best to stay out of their way.

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