HAVE YOU EVER

 ….its late and I don’t really have much to write about….the night is long and the days are even longer as winter in this land…drags on…and on…and on…it seems.    I find mundane subjects to fill and occupy my mind…not to let it wander places it it shouldn’t go.   And lets face it…I have a great imagination…LOL.    But even though I try my best….it is till full of memories and needs and desires.   Things I know are not for me…but the desire is still there.    I really do have to apologize….the last two post…have been from the generic me.   The one that the world sees…not the real…feeling…unfiltered me.   This is not why I started journaling?    To hide my inner voice…to write what they want to hear.    To be locked away inside the realm that I am trying so deserately to escape.    I started journaling because…    I wanted somewhere private…that I could go to get away fromt he prying eyes and judgments of social media…to express openly…with the betrayal…that goes along with FB and Myspace…Instagram…and Twitter.     To give myself a chance to express things I really didn’t want to share with the people on FB…MS…TW…IG…etc…etc….and yeah!   not even certain friends.      I just want to be among stranger.    In the emptiness of a billion other peoples words…people I didn’t know.    To be able to feel the feelings I don’t share with those that know me….to not be ashamed…to talk to GOD.    Where do I go from here?      I am too old to feel the touch of my loves hand on my face…to taste his kiss on my lips…to know the closeness of his body to mine.     And for a woman like me….that is a spiritual death…     Never to know the love that my heart so craves…     that is my sacrifice…    So I will just continue in my spirit…for it is all that I have….to sustain my soul.   HE will see my sorrow and will comfort me.    I will call on HIM and HE will answer.    I will kneel at HIS feet and lay my head in HIS lap…and softly cry….and HE will love me.     All I have to do is believe.   AND I DO BELIEVE.

  

   

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