1/8/2017 23:50 Gone

I recently, the 3rd to be exact, had an abortion. I regret it with every fiber of my being. I am in an incredible amount of pain and all I can think about is the crushing realization that I may never be a mother. I accidentally became pregnant in December and when I told my boyfriend he began telling me all my “options” and about how “we” weren’t ready to be parents. I understood it, truly I did because I have always worked dead end jobs and only have a high school education; however it was kind of upsetting that he never even asked if I wanted to keep it. I don’t have a real plan for my life and my living arrangement is questionable at best but I don’t know what to do anymore.

4 thoughts on “1/8/2017 23:50 Gone”

  1. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I feel bad about the situation you are in. I cannot imagine everything you are feeling right now but do know some of what you are going through. When I was younger, in college, and my girlfriend was still in high school, she became pregnant. Neither of us had jobs at the time, however, we were able to work out living arrangements. My parents wanted her to have an abortion. We would not consider that as an option and proceeded to make arrangements to get married as soon as she graduated. We lived in a small town so as soon as anyone knew she was pregnant the whole town would know. Schools were not as tolerant of teenage pregnancy then as they are now and if her pregnancy become known, she would not be allowed to graduate. We kept it a secret until her graduation and got married. It was rough for several years but things did work out and we were together for 15 years.
    Hopefully, your abortion did not result in a medical condition where you cannot get pregnant in the future. If you can get pregnant, my best advise to you is to take things slow. The right person will come along and you will be able to lead a rich full life. Put your situation and the person behind you and only look forward. His actions showed that he did not really care about you. You are better off without him. The future is all yours. Grab it.

  2. Just came upon your journal. My heart broke for you reading what I am sure is so personal, hard, and gut wrenching. Know this though…hope is never lost and I know without a shadow of doubt that there is a plan for your life. You don’t have to be defined by your past and the choices you made. I would highly recommend checking out a counselor. I promise there’s no shame in any of this. Praying for you and that you would know that the God of the universe, who sees and knows everything we do, still loves you more than you can possibly imagine or fathom. Blessings, NP

  3. You are grieving, it’s understandable. The way you described, there was no easy way out of your situation. At this point your choice was made, regretting it is fruitless. You can’t take your decisions back anymore, sorry that I sound so harsh. I feel for you.
    Direct your energy on grieving and moving on, don’t think about all the ifs. Those ‘ifs’ not going to happen now, don’t torture yourself. Let your body heal and start healing your heart. Also, you might want to ask yourself some important questions about your current relationship once the time is right.

  4. Thank you for all the support. I feel better knowing that there are people who understand what I am going through and I am glad to be trying to get back to my normal life again.

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