Entry 2 (still day one) – Girlfriends

ok… well this isnt really day 2 bc i started this today but its the second entry. and its almost day 2.

I am so fucking mad a girlfriend right now!! she is being so annoying and has been pushing m away for the past couple of days. i dont know why and i know how to make her stop. i get it that she does that sometimes to me and to other in her life but still. this has been going on much more lately. it makes me eel like shit too. i dot understand!! i just m getting over pneumonia and this is the first day in 8 days that i have no fever! i applyed to colleges today too!! this is a HUGE step for me in my life. the first person i told was my girlfriend because when all my dreams come true she is the one i want standing next to me. i love her and this week has been hard on both of us because she was taking care of me a lot becuase ive been so sick but she is a grown ass woman she shouldnt need me to have to always recipricate her actions. she should take care of me bc she loves me and because she cares and wants to not becasue she is expecting something i return!!!! i never do something for her with the thought in mind that i will get something back from her. i do it bc i love her and i want to.

im just so angry right now. i dont know what to do. she has already gone to bed and she is in another state right niw so its not even like i could ust go to her and talk. besides sometimes i feel lke if i ever did then she will say “oh well it feels like u dont love me sometimes” or something idk she always has a responce and never lets me just say something. she always shuts me down and says well no this is actually the truth or watever. i hate it! and then she tells me that my actions and words dont match u with the things i say to her online or over txt. but if i tried to tell her in person she would just disagree or tell e otherwise and not let me say wat i wanna say or have my own opinions!!!! its sooo god damn frusterating!!

im tired of this!! i mean i love her but the thought of breaking up with her comes into my brain WAY to much i feel like! i mean that cant be good to think about that too much. like wen im not with her a ot of times i question should i be with her? or should i breakup? or so i even love her? i cant figure this out!!! i mean i have been in love before and i know how it feels nd i feel that with her but sometimes wen im not with her i dont feel like my heart is on fire and i feel like i WOULD be able to live without her. but wen im with her its the total opposite! i cant live without her and my heart is on fire!! it feels like its going to burst out of my chest. she gives me butterflies and everything. she makes me week in the knees.

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