So it’s been sorted out between myself an Sir T that closeness and I am going out on a limb and saying intimacy has connections with humiliation for me. GEE thanks Ass hat also known as ex number one in my sub history and abuse entry here. As he is the one that did most of it. number two did it too a bit. Both of them refused to accept I am a private person and in my mind sex has no business outside of the bedroom even as a discussion topic, then. Now I am a bit more open about it but still my private sex life stays private. ex 2 talked about my o face and the noises I made and my taste and everything else within earshot of other people. Ex 1 was convinced he was the hotest thing ever and I was just so turned on and he had to tell everyone all about it. When really I was freezing my ass off and had medical issues. I won’t go into farther details there. I promise. But either way with both I was disrespected and my privacy violated resulting in comments from other people which destroyed my self esteem and made me feel like my sexuality was something to be ashamed of, to hide. That my sexual urges where to never be acted upon. They are gone and I have moved so that’s not my reality anymore. So I have started on re-embracing my sexuality and getting close to and intimate with someone without fear or shame as the person I am that close to respects me and doesn’t judge me. He’s been so much help. Thank you Sir T.