Lately it seems I lack faith that a God exists. I’ve always been dedicated to reading the bible, praying, or spending time with God. I’m not afraid to admit that I’m Christian, even-though many people assume I will immediately push my faith on them and become very aggressive. Personally, I believe If I’m to represent God, then I must first become someone worthy enough to present myself as a follower of Christianity faith. God never forced anyone or needed to convince anyone, he gave them free-will to make that decision. That’s why bad things happen and such, because God gave us free-will. I believe it’s okay to open up about my beliefs, and eventually, maybe gain someone’s interest in the bible in general. It works better to introduce something they might consider if I’m less aggressive and learn to understand them, and then they can understand me.
Sometimes I feel very far from God though, like I can’t find him. Mostly because I began History class a while back on the topic of other religions or faiths, walks of life. The studying of the different faiths made me realize how easy they were created, how little people questioned them when they could very well be wrong. I realized then that there is proof that mine is the right one, yet no matter how much proof I get, I am aware I will never be satisfied if I keep looking for more.
I lately doubt though at the same time. I feel as if I’m barely clinging to what little faith of have. Usually I’m very strong about my beliefs enough that I rarely slip, but I happened to fall out of it somehow. I stopped reading the bible and praying out of simple forgetfulness.
My mother used to tell me all the time that to be a follower of God is to have “Blind faith.” In the sense you can’t physically see him but he guides you. When I was very young, I was very close to God, so I believe. Maybe because I was a child? Children can usually believe something easier and follow it without questioning.
I won’t give up even if I feel a lack of faith. I know that even if I don’t know what to believe now, I will be able to tell what is the truth versus what is lies. Like usual. It does get better. I feel a bit in a rush, since there could be no tomorrow, as everyone seems to say. Tomorrow could be too late.