Doubt

Lately it seems I lack faith that a God exists. I’ve always been dedicated to reading the bible, praying, or spending time with God. I’m not afraid to admit that I’m Christian, even-though many people assume I will immediately push my faith on them and become very aggressive.  Personally, I believe If I’m to represent God, then I must first become someone worthy enough to present myself as a follower of Christianity faith. God never forced anyone or needed to convince anyone, he gave them free-will to make that decision. That’s why bad things happen and such, because God gave us free-will. I believe it’s okay to open up about my beliefs, and eventually, maybe gain someone’s interest in the bible in general. It works better to introduce something they might consider if I’m less aggressive and learn to understand them, and then they can understand me.

Sometimes I feel very far from God though, like I can’t find him. Mostly because I began History class a while back on the topic of other religions or faiths, walks of life. The studying of the different faiths made me realize how easy they were created, how little people questioned them when they could very well be wrong. I realized then that there is proof that mine is the right one, yet no matter how much proof I get, I am aware I will never be satisfied if I keep looking for more.

I lately doubt though at the same time. I feel as if I’m barely clinging to what little faith of have. Usually I’m very strong about my beliefs enough that I rarely slip, but I happened to fall out of it somehow. I stopped reading the bible and praying out of simple forgetfulness. 

My mother used to tell me all the time that to be a follower of God is to have “Blind faith.” In the sense you can’t physically see him but he guides you. When I was very young, I was very close to God, so I believe. Maybe because I was a child? Children can usually believe something easier and follow it without questioning. 

I won’t give up even if I feel a lack of faith. I know that even if I don’t know what to believe now, I will be able to tell what is the truth versus what is lies. Like usual. It does get better. I feel a bit in a rush, since there could be no tomorrow, as everyone seems to say. Tomorrow could be too late.

3 thoughts on “Doubt”

  1. I love your gentle approach to sharing your faith. The Bible instructs us to be just that way.
    I am sorry that class on religions made you doubt. Very understandably. They are designed to do that. Funny schools don’t offer a class on the Bible, huh?
    I am personally going through a dry time, also. I have trouble praying, my mind wanders terribly. I have had to fall back on memorized prayers, like the Lord’s Prayer and the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi. I miss the closeness I had to Jesus. But I am not discouraged—I guess I am experiencing your mom’s “Blind faith.” It’s good.
    Maybe it will help if you remember that Christianity is the only religion where God reached down to us (other religions try to climb up to God). God even gave Himself in the form of Jesus to die for us. A verse that may help you is this: “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father but by Me.” —spoken by Jesus.
    Cling to Jesus no matter what your feelings are or what your brain suggests. He will bring you through this difficult time, and you will be stronger than ever before. God bless your dear heart. It’s going to be okay. I will pray for you, too.

  2. @Savedbygrace
    Thank you, I forgot that. It helps to be reminded, especially with how I’m feeling spiritually as of right now. I know that I’ve improved a bit, I’m always up for a challenge that will help strengthen my faith, so doubt can be good, just not all the time.

  3. @Golden Thank you for the encouragement.:)
    It feels nice knowing someone my age is going through the same thing. Sometimes I feel so alone and on my own, with no one around me who shares my faith or values in the same way I do.

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