English Class

I won’t specify what has happened to me, but it’s something that will follow me for the rest of my life. It won’t ever go away. I’m happy where I am in life right now, but certain things always bring back memories.

Lately in our English class, they have had us read books on things such as the Holocaust or Slavery. Any abuse of any person, even-though it has zero connection to what I have been through, it still manages to bring back a flood of memories.

They have explained in my class that it is hard to read of the horrific events and such, but it feels like it is tearing up old wounds every-time I read it. Like having someone rub salt into your wounds after reopening scars that have healed. 

I’ve been getting nightmares, on occasion sleep paralysis, and have been unable to concentrate as much. I probably might try to write when I wake up and before I sleep, since my mind feels overwhelmed.

The books on those horrific events and the details included, bring back the same  feelings of anxiety, fear, and other emotions that I usually don’t have to worry about anymore.

I’m tired of being reminded, I just want to forget and live my life. I’ve tried avoiding all these bad memories at all costs, and now I can’t, and I won’t since it’s my grade.

I will deal with it, like everyone else. I just wish somehow that I could be able to put aside my past while I read those books and the events that happen in those books.

2 thoughts on “English Class”

  1. Any chance your teacher would understand and let you write a paper on a different topic (but connected)? In college I refused to do a vivisection and the prof let me write a paper instead. I hope this works for you, I really do. You should have to read all that over and over when it triggers bad memories for you. My gosh. I would be a nut case if I had to do it. Love to you.

  2. @Savedbygrace
    Possibly, but I think bringing attention to myself might be bad. I’ve been coping by only reading very small sections and then spending time doing something else to get my mind off of it. After reading the book, it might take me a few days to feel normal again though. I’m managing, so far.:)

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