Sometimes it’s just not enough

So here’s the thing. I’m a single mom of two beautiful girls who I love more than any word in the world of language would ever be capable of properly describing. They have different dads, neither of which are real involved in totally different ways. I struggle on a daily basis. Daily. But I choose to rise above it and keep my chin up, keep fighting. I try to stay positive. I remind myself every day that these beautiful little girls are a blessing that I’m so lucky to be able to be their mom…..But, and this is where people cringe, sometimes, that’s not enough. It’s just not enough to make it all better. Sometimes I need to be weak and say Jesus, take it over for a little bit, I need a break. And sometimes I NEED a break. I need to be able to have a weekend of sleeping in and staying in my pajamas and binging on Netflix, or a night of going out with friends and doing whatever the hell I want cuz I’m an adult! Sometimes, being a mom is just not enough. I need more. I need human touch and support. I need someone to look forward to seeing me at the end of the day. I need to feel like I have this wonderful person I can lean on at any given time. I need to feel like I’m a part of something greater. Being a mom, yes, absolutely it is my entire reason for living! I put being a parent as a priority. But you know what, sometimes I want to say no. I want to be able to say “these kids are really making it hard for me to love them today” and not get looked at like I just said I wanted to leave my children. I need to be able to have a bad day and just lose. my. shit. And that doesn’t make me a bad mom. I don’t need you to make me feel like a bad mom. Because at the end of the day, I feel like I’ve fallen short. Every. single. night. I go to sleep with guilt and feeling like I should have done better. I should have done more. But I get up every morning and I Start over. And I love my babies more than I ever thought possible. I go to work. I managed to get this kid to play practice and robotics and this kid to and from daycare and be home at a decent time to cook dinner. I do it. Day after day. Cuz that’s just what you do. You don’t stop to question it. That’s just what you do. 

3 thoughts on “Sometimes it’s just not enough”

  1. Its a difficult thing to balance being a mom verse who you are as a person. This becomes a tight rope act when you are the mom & the dad & it’s all you 24/7 every day.

    At the end of the day we are all just people and no one is perfect. I wish others would not be so judgemental and allow us to indulge even the less-than-perfect moments.

  2. Nightmare8: I’m sorry to hear that! It IS tough to maintain a relationship when kids take up so much of your time. You just have to try to schedule those small moments for you and your partner, ya know. When you’re a mom, it’s like you lose any other identity. You’re not longer “friend”, “wife”, “partner”…you’re just “mom”. Hang in there! 🙂

  3. Therealgoddessianna: You are SO right! Everyone is judgemental, everyone has an opinion on how to raise your kids and how you’re doing it wrong! We as mothers and women should be supporting each other and building one another up! I feel more judgement from my family than I do anyone. And no one them have walked a mile in my shoes, hell they’ve never had to walk even remotely the same trail as me!

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