The world can be cruel, and you can be cruel to yourself

Fuck…I never knew how much I wanted to say until I started writing in this thing. I havent even scratched the surface of what I want to say and I cannot organize my thoughts for shit. 

I’m scared…….scared of not existing. 

I’m sad, angry, confused. Life is scary. I feel so all over the place lately but also so dull. I work I come home I work I come home I work someone will call i’ll go out and get drunk socialize and then come home. Rinse repeat. Can’t save money, can’t bring myself to get up and do something productive except for work. I want to fucking scream my lungs out. I also want to just sob. I’m a fucking wreck and writing is making me realize this more. 

3 thoughts on “The world can be cruel, and you can be cruel to yourself”

  1. I am sorry for what you are going through. I sincerely hope that you can find some peace.

    As for the fear of death / not existing thing, I totally feel you on that. Realizing mortality is a crushing blow that takes the wind out of you. I went through that too. What made me feel better is reaching that final stage “acceptance” and I realized my life is precious and that every day is a treasure.

    “Live each day like it is your last. Learn as if you were to live forever.”

  2. It’s true that when you’re writing, things that you didn’t even know were inside you get to spilling out. It feels weird and maybe even surprising at first–did I even really have all these thoughts inside without realizing it?–but it feels good, too. I hope you keep writing, because it helps you learn more about yourself and your writing is a record of your changes, which you might forget if you didn’t keep them somewhere.
    All the best to you.

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