Bad habits

I used to hate smokers.  I hated the smell, I hated that your clothes, nails, and overall environment would smell for days, not to mention it ages you and makes your teeth yellow…and you could die…but here I am coming back from a smoke break.  It started during the holidays where I just couldn’t handle the stress of my job and everything else and I just needed something.  So now I usually smoke on days I work.  It’s a habit now.  I’m not working today but I just needed something.  I’m ridiculously unhappy with everything and I guess I’m going to be the “new year, fresh start” clique.  One day at a time I guess.  I’ve just really let everything go downhill.  I hate my job.  My one good friend left because she got a better job and while I don’t particularly hate the people I work with, I’m just burnt out.  My relationship has gotten stale and even the regular “acquaintances” I used to hangout with have slowly tapered off.  Everyone around me seems to have bad stuff happening to them so I can’t even hangout with them anymore.  My friends dog died, my other friends have gotten sick really bad, like hospitalized sick, my other friends mom had a heart attack.  I guess I’m not the only one having a shitty year.  I just wonder if this year is going to be just as shitty as last year.  I just need to make serious changes.  It’s going to be hard and I’m damn sure going to fight it the entire way but something has to be done.  I can’t take another bad year.  I just can’t.  One day at a time though.  I don’t want to overwhelm myself.  So hopefully these future entries will have more positive notes than negative ones. ..Hopefully…

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