Hey there. So this is my first entry. I’m unsure on how this is supposed to go.
So my life lately has not been so good to me. As I have not been good to my life. If that makes sense.
I have betrayed a loved one…now I am paying the price.
I am now experiencing what I believe to be the worst years (yes I said YEARS) of my life.
Its been two so far.
I now hate everything about myself. I seem to believe that my loved one is always against me because he was not there when I needed him most…of course it is my fault according to him.
I just wish (like everyone else) that this terrible event did NOT happen.
My days go about being alone all day…since now I cannot get a job…not even to save my life.
Yes, my loved one does care for all my necessities.
I do appreciate him for that and everything else possible.
It’s just when he does get home, he is always unhappy and tends to get upset with me.
I try my best to not let it get to me. Sometimes I cant take it.
Another thing is he makes me feel like a burden… I am just something that he has to deal with everyday.
To be clearer, he works and goes to gym right? And of course there’s me, where we occasionally go out. I say “occasionally” because it’s rare. We don’t have the funds to do what we want because of me not having a job.
Anyways, back to the point. Being a burden?
Now instead of just going to work and gym, he wants to start a youtube channel and school.
I mean I don’t have a problem with him being ambitious. Its just he needs to have money and time do everything he wants.
So since I brought this to light… he thinks I am trying to hold him back. Or I’m not supporting him. (Being a burden)
I felt I was just talking to him about what we need to do to get there.
I was just trying to bring him back to reality because he’s always so tired and stressed now with just working and going to the gym…
I am worried he is putting to much on his plate and when it blows-up he will blame me for everything bad in our lives.
And that’s a guarantee that he will blame me and make me feel bad…like I always do. What can I say? I’m negative Nikki..
I mean right now? ESPECIALLY right now? We definitely don’t have the money because we are barely getting by as it is.