Barely getting by.

Hey there. So this is my first entry. I’m unsure on how this is supposed to go.

Anyways…

So my life lately has not been so good to me. As I have not been good to my life. If that makes sense.
I have betrayed a loved one…now I am paying the price.
I am now experiencing what I believe to be the worst years (yes I said YEARS) of my life.
Its been two so far.
I now hate everything about myself. I seem to believe that my loved one is always against me because he was not there when I needed him most…of course it is my fault according to him.
I just wish (like everyone else) that this terrible event did NOT happen.

My days go about being alone all day…since now I cannot get a job…not even to save my life.
Yes, my loved one does care for all my necessities.
I do appreciate him for that and everything else possible.
It’s just when he does get home, he is always unhappy and tends to get upset with me.
I try my best to not let it get to me. Sometimes I cant take it.
Another thing is he makes me feel like a burden… I am just something that he has to deal with everyday.
To be clearer, he works and goes to gym right? And of course there’s me, where we occasionally go out. I say “occasionally” because it’s rare. We don’t have the funds to do what we want because of me not having a job.

Anyways, back to the point. Being a burden?
Now instead of just going to work and gym, he wants to start a youtube channel and school.
I mean I don’t have a problem with him being ambitious. Its just he needs to have money and time do everything he wants.
So since I brought this to light… he thinks I am trying to hold him back. Or I’m not supporting him. (Being a burden)
I felt I was just talking to him about what we need to do to get there.
I was just trying to bring him back to reality because he’s always so tired and stressed now with just working and going to the gym…

I am worried he is putting to much on his plate and when it blows-up he will blame me for everything bad in our lives.
And that’s a guarantee that he will blame me and make me feel bad…like I always do. What can I say? I’m negative Nikki..
 I mean right now? ESPECIALLY right now? We definitely don’t have the money because we are barely getting by as it is.

One thought on “Barely getting by.”

  1. Now I understand why you feel the way I do because I feel your pain. I myself is paying for what I did and I feel as if He despises me as well. Long before things fell apart he never saw any wrongs coming from him

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