I’m awkward

So, I went to the mall today together with my bestfriend. I was planning to buy clothes and probably some stuff for Thursday. We ended up being there for hours, and as I was there I stumbled across some pretty interessting people. 

Awkward thing about me. Whenever I see other people who got that alternative, darker kind of style, (similar to mine) I always become really nervous and try hard to avoid them. I start mumbeling and saying random words to pretend I’m not focusing on them, I get kind of mad if my friend turns around and look at them, and I try to go in opposite directions of them. If  their standing in the way to a shop I want to go in, I just sit far away and wait for them to move so I can pass later on. 

I’m not exacly sure why I get so awkward when I see these kinda people. Maybe its because I dont want them to think im just some wannabe. I really dont want them to think that maybe I’m judging them or just staring at them like a small fangirl. Like seriously, I also do not want to be judged by them. Like, come on. I know very well that thinking like that is kinda childish, and also that their ordinary people just like me. But when they are so good looking and completely goals, I cant help myself but to admire them sooo baddllyyyyy!

Also as me and my friend passed a sitting spot at the mall. My friend poked me and went just like “I think you’ll like that guy”. I turned around and looked at the guy sitting next to the wall looking at his phone. His hair was grey, white ish, like silver maybe. He had on a headset probably listening to music. He was most likely asian, and oh my god he was so good looking. Got a crush immediatly. Too bad for me I looked like a goat at that moment and did not prepare myself for this encounter. Pretty sure he didnt even notice me at all since I’m more like a “stare from the distance and wait for him to notice you” kind of girl. Tho, when I did get to take of my enormous jacket and fix my hair in the bathroom, I went back up, he was gone. Too bad. Bye bye really good looking guy who is probably older than me anyways.. xD

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