and sometimes it’s enough to just feel full for a little while

i have finally gotten next year’s schedule all planned up. the only thing left to do is get my computer programming teacher to sign for comp prog ii next year, and i can turn the whole form in. that’ll be a load off my shoulders.

my list of classes will go as follows: ap english iv, ap calculus bc, ap physics 2, ap government + ap economics, ap psychology, accounting ii honors, computer programming ii honors

i’ll know people in all of those classes, so that’ll be great. my friend j will be in five of the same classes, so if i’m lucky, we’ll probably have at least like, two periods together.

there’s a lot i have to do tomorrow: turn in the grandfathering form at the counselor’s office, get my schedule form signed by my cp teacher, review for the physics test on friday, hopefully finish my geo group project part, finish up my history homework, go to the anchor health committee meeting, do the group project in english, finish up the mastery problem in accounting, do whatever needs to be done in cp, and learn new stuff for precal.

social anxiety and extreme self-consciousness are what i am afraid of while doing school stuff. it’s not even that i’m SHY–just awkward and tongue-tied and weird. i don’t know how to explain it. it just makes dealing with people really stressful and terrifying.

i felt like an utter idiot today, just asking my physics and precal teachers questions. i always feel quite stupid when i have to ask questions.

today i accidentally stabbed my friend p in the hand with a pencil in accounting class. she said she was fine, but i still feel really bad and horrible just thinking about it. wow. i’m supremely clumsy, and accidentally touching + making eye contact with + speaking to anyone makes me feel really guilty, and then cringe into infinity.

physics test + geo quiz + probably some other stuff on friday. then there’s the sat on saturday, which…..after taking it i will probably want to lay down on the floor and just die. what if i don’t do well on it and i have to take it a second time, thus breaking the family tradition and becoming a verified disappointment?

i feel sort of okay today. i’ve been a helluva lot worse, so comparatively, today was…….fine-ish.

maybe i’m just being crazy and stupid, but every day, i see this really nice-looking dude walk past me in the hallway, and i admire his all-black aesthetic, so it makes me happy when i see him even though i don’t know him. and that sounds really creepy, but, whatever, because i just really appreciate the fact that there is someone else in this world who is not emo who would want to wear all-black every day except for me.

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