Day 17 – loosing control

January 19, 2017 

The last few days have been going consistent. I finally after weeks of terrible news finally got some great news! My father does have leukemia but it is technically “dormant”. Which means he has cancer but currently has no symptoms. This was a huge weight off my shoulders but to understand my father this is still hard for him to handle. He won’t show it or complain but I can just tell.

My father is a great person, care taker and provider my parents deffiently was a partnership while I was growing up. He was always my coach in sports, volunteered at my school when he could and always made sure I had what I needed. But my dad also had another side, the controlling side as I grow up I realize he couldn’t help it. He was so involved because of his need to control things. Controlling my weight by weighing me weekly and taking waist measurements, controlling the house decor by going shopping with my mom, controlling money by giving my mom allowances even though she makes more than him. These are all traits of control. 

Now he has this, cancer that he can not control. When we feel anxious it’s because of our loss of control over a situation, feelings, thoughts etc. l hope my father continues to take care of himself physically but hopefully mentally. Gaining control of a disease that lays dormant in your system. That’s a huge stressor like your literally waiting for your system to be over taken. I just hope he’s able to cope.

I continue to support him the best I can as an adult child. But I am still just his daughter, what he’s truly going through I will never know. Hopefully, later this year when I get pregnant it will help him become distracted.

Tasha Out 😘

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