Day 7 – worries and thoughts, names and frustrations

Im so frustrated and worried and anxious. i cant do anything rn. I am anxious and worried bc i have my first day of classes tomorrow and im soo nervous and scared and i dont know anyone doing it with me or when im leaving or who is driving me or anything. I dont know what to wear or if i need anything special or anything. what if its too hard or i dont like the class or what if i get lost or cant do anything???

I am upset bc well for a lot of reasons. one is bc my girlfriend and every other relationships that I’ve had before this has called me a tease. Its not a good thing to be called a tease. its a mean thing to say and its a mean thing to be. I dont try to. AT ALL!! i dont even realize that im doing anything. Ever. I mean my ex boyfriend was very obsessed with getting in my pants and i never let him bc i wasnt ready to have sex. But i do have very big boobs and he loved them in a weird fuck boy kid of way. (yes.. i unfortenatly dated a fuck boy). He would say im a tease because he wouldt want to have sex with me and get wothme but i never wanted to. i dont even wear like THAT tight shirts or anything. im actually quite self consous about my boobs and i dont like them or wen pple comment on them or anything. I hate it. but im not 100% sure why my girlfriend calls me a tease. i mean i dont know if she knows what it means or if she knows that its not a good thing to be called one or to be one. its just who i am i guess. its just my personality that teases people i guess. and i hate it. i dont know what to do about it. and it hurts that my own gf thinks i am one. and that openly calls me it when she knows that its not a good thing. like doesnt she know that it doesnt feel good and that it hurts to be called that?? i dont know how to change it. i mean the sex thing was a tease yes but that wasnt my fault. i didnt do it on purpose thats for sure and i would have tryed again but someone walked into the room so i wasnt able to and we had to stop. idk

i dont know what im going to have any food for breakfast and i dont know what im going to eat. i dont know if i should bring food bc i dont know if ill be hungry or how the day is going to go. im just super anxious and my shoulder hurts and i dont know why and i cant pick out my clothes bc they are all in the laundry and i dont have many shirts to wear bc i need to go shopping bc i have like no winter clothing to wear. and i want to call my girlfriend but i cant bc my roommate just got back nd she is very judgmental and i dont want to call in front of her and so that means i have to go outside to call bc that’s the only other private.

i tryed to watch some tv and relax but i couldnt be i went on netflix and there was nothing to watch and i kept on thinking about all these things and i couldnt relax and my gf was txting me and ugh!!!! and I am taking the SATs this weekend and i thought it was next weekend and im so fucking stessed i cant deal with it!!! awww i cant do this. i just fucking realized that i am taking it in 3 days!! wat the fuck!!!! help!! i cant do this im going to freak out!!! im gonna have a panic attack! im so not ready and i dont know what to do or who is driving me to that or anything and i dont know any of the details for it and i cant deal with any of this its too much!!!!!!!

One thought on “Day 7 – worries and thoughts, names and frustrations”

  1. Lol. sorry to disappoint but i am a girl. I am bisexual and I have had boyfriends in the past but currently I am dating a girl. Its my first real relationship with a girl.

    Yes i am aware about my worries. i get like that sometimes. I had just found out the I was taking the SATs this weekend while i was writing my entry so the entry got a little crazy! i tend to cotastrofise. (sorry i cant spell for my life) it do it a LOT a night time especially.

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