In my feelings

I met a guy.

On Saturday the 14th of this month.

It’s the 19th today and I am fairly certain I left crushing on him behind on the 15th and fell right into like like like territory on the 16th. I really really really like him. I keep imagining a future with him. I want him in my life sigh.

One of my oldest friend. We went to primary school together, and we started speaking again in 2014, but still hadn’t seen each other since 2007 (primary school graduation) till the 31st of December last year. 10 years wow.

He invited me to accompany him to a wedding, I was sceptical about going, but I am so glad I did. My friend G, aside from the fact that our relationship will ever only be a platonic friendship, has a girlfriend.

I didn’t want to go for the wedding because well, I’ve only ever gone for weddings, with my mum and older family members, so I find weddings extremely boring, even if the party seems sweet. I just sit down, eat and play with my phone until it’s time to go, the only weddings I don’t do that alone is at a close relative wedding, where I am running about doing errands for my many uncles, aunties, older cousins and family friends (I also get money lol) 

So that Saturday was my first official serious party that I wasn’t going with any member of my family, I was going because of my friend. Dumb me was apprehensive when I shouldn’t have been. I guess my previous wedding experiences jaded my outlook.

The key fact about why he was going to the wedding, was because it was his friend’s sister wedding. I should have understood, that a lot of other young people my age would be there and many of the people I saw at his house on the 31st were in attendance, so I wasn’t even uncomfortable at all.

He sat me down beside my future bae II. 

II got right into talking with me. He was sweet and calm, made me feel very comfortable and made sure I had anything I wanted at the wedding, he never really left my side. Even he strolled off he always came back to check that I was alright, of course, that’s when my crushing started. Then he got me dancing! I haven’t danced in public in more than 3 years, he accomplished a serious feat and I wasn’t even drunk or tipsy.

I wasn’t even that bothered that G basically abandoned me, lie he was checking up on me, but he knew II was entertaining me. Funnily he knows I and II have been speaking a lot but he has yet to say anything to me about it and I’m not going to ask him any question about II, till next month. can’t trust boys who are tight as a clique, he will definitely say something to him.

The day after the wedding, we all went back to school. The boys are all in the same school, I met a lot of them and they are an incredible tight posse. I miss my girlfriends, but we are scattered all over the world and it’s not even possible to link up except during holidays like summer and sometimes Christmas. I am in a different school from the boys, so I don’t even know when next I’m going to see II, but I’m sure we’ll work something out.

We have been talking non stop since the wedding, and the conversation isn’t stunted it moves very freely and I think he’s low-key flirting with me, I’m very sure he is. But I don’t want to rush anything and I want to be sure that I really really really want him before I start with getting him to be mine.

He’s very sweet and supportive, he doesn’t even laugh about the weird things I’ve confessed to him and I seem to never shut up, but he says it’s calm and who am I to complain. He says really sweet stuff, that makes me start over-analyzing his meaning, but like I said don’t want to be in my head, what if he’s just being a friend?

But I remember at the wedding, when his friend asked for my number, he frowned at his friend and at the corner of my eyes I saw him shake his head no and also was like “guy nau” which can be translated to many things like “really, no” “what the hell” “go away” serious the positive meaning is endless. I think he also felt a connection at the wedding.

So last night I finally had the courage to ask him, if he had a girlfriend and I was floored by his answer, which also helped my blood cool down and I’m not more anxious or willing to rush into confessing my feelings for him anytime soon.

His ex-left him on the 31st.

She recently lost her mum, and he was finding it really hard to be there for her, especially since she wasn’t even schooling in the country.He was at the party on the 31st, but I didn’t notice him nor did he notice me, can you believe it!

He said he really tried his hardest, but she always got sad again and he really didn’t know what to do.

I think she understood that and ended it with him because she said she didn’t want to bring him down and have him deal with her constant sadness, which is just very very sad.

I asked him if he was alright and if she was alright, and he said yes. That they are both still cool, but he’s alright with the relationship ending, for he gave it his best shot and the both of them are still friends.

Very dampening story. I felt so sad and I immediately knew that there was no way we could be entertaining something more than friendship anytime soon and I became cool with that. I think he’s alright, but I also think he needs time to regroup… he’s a very very sweet dude.

And I really really really like like like him.

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