When someone breaks your heart–

When someone breaks our heart, we so desperately want them to know how much they hurt us, thinking it will change something. But it doesn’t. They can respond empathetically, feel guilt, and hopefully learn how to avoid hurting someone so badly in the future, but your hurt isn’t going to change the situation and likely won’t make them feel nearly as bad as you do. Even if they did something horrible, they’re telling themselves whatever they can so they can feel better too, we are always in survival mode- “They’re hurting now but it’s what’s best for them in the long run,” “It was unavoidable.”

Whether their internal dialogue is true or not, we are experts at convincing ourselves that our actions are justified. Your pain is yours to work through, no person can be both the cause and the solution of your hurt. Don’t be afraid of expressing it because it’s real and can be so overwhelming, but you don’t need to ‘prove’ your pain to anyone, hoping for some sort of response. If anything, it will push them away further, and delay your moving forward. Ultimately, you don’t want to be with someone only because they don’t want you to be sad, or because they feel sorry for you. You shouldn’t guilt someone into loving you.

Them pulling a lesson from the situation is their task, you work on your own, which is moving on.

Move on quietly, love yourself loudly.

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