I’m typing this on my phone, so I hope if anyone does read it, or glance at it, that I didnt make a mistake somewhere that is horribly noticeable.
It’s 7:45AM, a day after my English final, and I passed with flying colors!
When I woke up this morning though, something has been on my mind since this morning and a bit yesterday.
I guess I feel a bit guilty about it?maybe.
Usually my parents cant afford a lot. I’ve Always had to hold back whenever I wanted something, no matter how little it costs, simply since it was a waste of money. My mother has always felt guilty since she cant afford my normal hygiene or feminine products sometimes. We manage. She tells me how happy she is to see I care about my education, how happy she is when she has that bit of extra money so she can spend it on something indulgent. so she doesn’t mind if I want something occasionally(usually I dont want anything since I dont look around often.) Our financial difficulties have eased a lot since then, thankfully.
Lately my friend, a guy who works for his father, someone ive known for almost two years, sometimes buys me gifts if its for christmas or my birthday. My mother isnt fond of him, at all, but still allows me to hang with him. Sometimes he offers me the chance to pick something I want and he will get it for me.
Excitment maybe?Sometimes whenever I have that type of opportunity, my heart begins to beat wildly, my breathing speeds up and I begin to sweat massive amounts. My mother says its because I’m like her. We share these symptoms, but also the craze for heels, clothing, and things that are shiny.
Materialistic?maybe. Although some of what I want are rather cheap, I still prefer not to make anyone feel like a money-bag. Ive asked him why he does it for me. He says he loves me and such, I know he does. He also knows he cant win me over because I’m not so shallow to go for someome over money. Ive checked off every possible reason he does it,but he still does it. Lately Ive been so excited too. maybe my will power is dwindling. Its not as if I want a whole galore of stuff, but still. He knows where my interests are and its not expensive, but still.
I just feel so greedy. I’m sure he knows he gets me excited, sometimes I think he just likes to see my reaction. He also knows I feel guilty with the gifts he gives me.
Then again, maybe I’m just greedy. I never ask for it excessively, only a few times a year at most.