I just feel like I’m digging myself further and further into a big black hole and I will never be able to climb my way out.
I hate living a double life, telling continuous lies makes me feel sick to my stomach. Will I ever get found out? Who knows!
I am in a tricky position. If I continue I can have everything I dream of, nice flat, car, I can travel, work my own hours and be my own boss. BUT I will have the burden of guilt laying heavily on my shoulders.
If I change direction and get a regularly job I am going to be in a financial mess. I will have to work long hours, I will feel stressed and overloaded as I really do struggle with working for others. I never fit in, I can’t follow instructions and I constantly feel drained.
I wish there was a way out of feeling the guilt.
I wish that I could be proud of who I am instead of ashamed.
Being a sex worker doesn’t make me ashamed of who I am. Telling a web of lies is what’s killing me inside.