Lies lies lies

I just feel like I’m digging myself further and further into a big black hole and I will never be able to climb my way out.

I hate living a double life, telling continuous lies makes me feel sick to my stomach.  Will I ever get found out?  Who knows! 

I am in a tricky position.  If I continue I can have everything I dream of, nice flat, car, I can travel, work my own hours and be my own boss.  BUT I will have the  burden of guilt laying heavily on my shoulders. 

If I change direction and get a regularly job I am going to be in a financial mess.  I will have to work long hours, I will feel stressed and overloaded as I really do struggle with working for others.  I never fit in, I can’t follow instructions and I constantly feel drained.

I wish there was a way out of feeling the guilt.

I wish that I could be proud of who I am instead of ashamed. 

Being a sex worker doesn’t make me ashamed of who I am.  Telling a web of lies is what’s killing me inside.

 

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