January 22, 2017

I need stability. I need people who keep their promises. Time and time again I’ve had people promise me things that they never follow through with. I feel like I’m constantly waiting for a friendship or relationship to spoil because I know that no one keeps their promises. I might seem like a really open person with my feelings but the truth is I hide majority of what I am truly feeling. Because it’s dark dark shit that I don’t think people would even understand and they would laugh at me. I’m embarrassed to tell anyone about my suicidal thoughts because I feel like they will laugh at me. Or just tell me to get over it. No one seems to understand why I am constantly depressed and why I don’t desire to live anymore. I don’t trust that anyone I meet will keep their promises because I know that people always lie and always leave. That’s just the way it is, and I’m scared to death because I don’t know how to live alone. I have to learn to be content being alone because no one keeps their promises, no one cares, and no one will stay forever.

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