How the hell do you continue to talk?

Well, here go. With the enthusiasm of a man with much built up frustration. I have been married for about 7 years now. I have to admit that they haven’t been many good ones only good moments. I’m a New Yorker and she’s a Texan.  A match that should be heaven sent but yet I find myself reminiscing , almost about the days when it was just my dog and I. As I write, my dog continues to be by my side. He’s Golden Retriever, almost 11 and he has been as loyal as any person could ever ask for.

My wife is an only child. I didn’t think that would play a factor in our relationship but indeed it does on so many levels. That ” I get what I want from Daddy” played hard in her childhood and still plays a role but, domestically, her skills fall way short. I love my wife and as far as Southern bell is concerned, she fits that role. And for all who are curious as to why I married her, it was because of her strong family background which was far from my broken home background. Her father is a pastor and her mother died from Colon Cancer when she was 18. I would of loved to get the chance to meet her. I asked so many questions about her and for all I heard, she seems like she was indeed a sweet, lovely woman.

When we married, I wanted to make sure that above all, we communicated and always was honest with each other. Well, my advice to all who may read this: “Learn your partners history” no matter what plans or intentions you may have, if its not traditionally how they were raised, you are in for a rude awakening.

We did the marriage counseling for a few reasons. One, we had a long distance relationship so we were already in the negative and I wanted to improve our chances. Secondly, I wanted to learn all I can about defusing conflict. In the beginning, I was very hard to talk to because my independence and self reliance was what made me, me. Now I was in a cohabitation after living alone for so long, I know my personality needed some polishing and in areas, a lot.  We finished the class and married with much optimism.

Today, I’m down in my mancave and she is up in her woman cave (the living room) and we haven’t spoken a word to each other all day.  For the past 7 years and through one separation for 9 months, I come to the conclusion that we will never be on the same wave length. One of the things that I have peeve about is sex. You are either getting too much or not enough, I know. And, I also know the joke ” The best sex you will ever have is on your wedding night”. When I heard it I laughed but, I didn’t realized how true it was. It’s not just that, its the whole bundle of intimacy. I tried everything. I tried, talking about what I like. I tried discussing with her about her feelings on the matter. I even tried toys,videos even initiating and polishing up my romantic skill. In the end, it left me broke, dusty videos and toys, I personally will never use.

I communicated my frustrations to her and she promised to do better. I wanted to know how she was feeling personally. I wanted to make sure she wasn’t depressed, stressed, or if was just me. She said it wasn’t and she wasn’t depressed. She did go to the doctor to get checked and everything came back okay which I’m happy about. From that point, she did try, for one day. And then things went back to the norm. This is how it has been to this day. I’ll get quiet and she’ll come to me in the next day or so and say” I want to take care of you” which means, she wants to give me some.

I accept because I want to encourage her but, it doesn’t make me feel any better because I know she’s doing it for me. After, I will kiss her and get up. Go in the bathroom and wash up and don’t feel any better than I did before.  I love her but, I’m dying for some kind of touch or interest. I never masturbated. I wish I did, I would just do But, I also love sex and love making love to her but, now I’m settled with the fact it isn’t going to happen.

I have been thinking about having an affair. Just someone on the side to take the edge off or a female like myself, who has the same problem. I have spoken to some people online but, never met them. One person, I still email but, she is married to a controlling husband so the odds of us meeting is slim and if we did, it would be a long way from doing something along the lines as to having sex.

I will write more tomorrow.


2 thoughts on “How the hell do you continue to talk?”

  1. I came across this just when I was about to go to bed. This writing is so relatable right now it’s almost scary! I know someone who speaks of the same situation with all too familiar points in your story. I had to stop midway because I almost feel like I’m reading his writing lol. He’s been confessing some things to me for awhile and I laugh it off because, as a woman, I assume he’s being slick. But he does seem sad and down at times. Something very important to him is obviously missing in his relationship and sex is one big part of it all. I don’t think he receives the affection he desires unless he’s “earned it” or is ready to walk away. It’s like he goes through these cycles, but I know he loves and wants her enough to deal with it. I never really know what to say to him. I almost asked him if he would ever consider counseling but I’m afraid to. I wish I knew what to say to him instead of joking. I won’t do that again now though, I’m just afraid of saying the wrong thing. I do try when he looks sad though.
    Your wife has a good husband and I hope she comes around and realizes that it’s okay for a woman to be free and natural with her husband.
    I hope you write more about relationships/ marriage because I have been avoiding them all together lol. Since knowing this person, whom I have a lot in common, it has caused me to rethink this but it’s still scary for me.

  2. I want to thank you for reading my post. I’m sorry that I haven’t been on here. I can say i was busy but, I don’t think so. As of tonight, I will continue to write but, I can tell you that there seems to be some invisible void that keeps a lot of woman from comprehending the severity of a loveless marriage. I’m sadden by this and to not even notice is a matter of not caring or living in a body without feeling or empathy. I hope you and others follow my writing. I have some other truths to lay down. Thank you again and please support your friend.

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