I didn’t realize how desperately sad I would be now that I am going to see the lawyer and this will all be over soon. At least in the eyes of the law. And mine. We will still have to figure out a life of separate living and joined parenting. A life of how do we want to do her birthday this year? How much contact do we really want to have with one another? And the fact that I lost his mom and his family too is breaking my heart right now. It doesn’t seem fair. But is he supposed to have no one on his side? I don’t know the right thing or the way it “should” be…but I know the fact that he doesn’t want me is bullshit. The way he has made me feel for years is bullshit. And the fact that he can so easily walk away from me is hard and humiliating and my ego is shredded. And at the same time I feel strong because I am walking away. I do have hope for a better future than I would have had with him. Lord, please help me right now because I just want to cry for days.