Fighting the Fear

Going over my finances with J last night made me realize how much I really don’t have to cover all my bills on my own. I have been doing just fine for the last couple of months and trying to trust Your provision, Lord. But seeing those numbers and thinking about them in print scared the bejeezus out of me. I feel like Peter on the water, sinking rapidly. I can’t do this alone. I don’t see how I can do this if J doesn’t help pay for AB’s bills. I don’t know how I am going to handle my debt and all the things and months and years ahead. Help me not think that you are requiring that of me. You ask me to walk with you and trust you to provide for me like you do the birds of the air and the lilies of the field. And you have been doing that. Help me to trust you to continue to meet our needs. And to show me that you have never asked me to need no one or to be self-sufficient. Help me to learn to trust even when I only have 2 fish and a few loaves and thousands of mouths to feed. YOU are enough. Every day. Every time. And you have brought me here today for a reason. Thank you for all you have already provided and all you will bring. Forgive me for tiny faith. Help it and me to grow with you. Take my fear lord and let me know you understand and it is okay to doubt and fear. But don’t let it crush me.

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