January 26, 2017

I love you Austin Reed. I didn’t want to admit it to myself because I know that you will never love me back. I wish I could tell you that and that you would feel the same way but I know you don’t. I love you like a FUCKING idiot even though I shouldn’t after the way you treated me. I love everything about you though, I love your smile, your laugh, your mind, I loved the way you told me it was different with us the night we met. God, I’d give anything to go back to that night and relive it one more time. That was the best and worst night of my life because the minute I saw you I knew I would never turn back. I really didn’t believe in love at first sight until I looked into your eyes. I love you and that is the reason why I can’t and I won’t let go. I know that you will never want me the way I want you again and it is the hardest thing for me to cope with. I haven’t loved anyone like I love you, not even Ryan. It was different with you, you made me feel so complete. I guess my own mind/insecurities got in the way of what could’ve been the best love of my life. I want you, I need you, I love you. I prayed to God every night over break that you would take me back so I could love you. And still, you are the last thing I think about before I go to sleep and the first thing I think of when I wake up. But I just want you to know that I love you, you stubborn, annoying, idiot, and I mean that with all my heart and it will never ever change. I don’t expect this to change anything but I hope there comes a day when it will be appropriate for me to tell you that I love you just so you know.

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