I’ve come to realise that it’s not in my personality to have feelings in the grey area, it’s white or black. I’m either euphorically happy or intensely sad. I don’t ever feel neutral. I don’t know what ‘normal’ is. Is there such a thing as feeling in balance?

Yesterday I was full of energy, I’ve spent all day at work fixing things, reorganising, planning, literally running up and down the stairs to move on to the next thing.
Today, I’ve been productive, but didn’t feel the need to do things that don’t need to be done immediately.
I walked home like a zombie, shoulders down, eyes to the pavement. Feeling so intensely sad, drained.

I’ve come to accept this, thinking that ‘it’s just who I am’, but is it? Is there something I’m not seeing? Is this what being bipolar feels like?

Maybe it goes back to the way I treat myself, I find it a waste of my time to take proper care of my body, like I don’t cook, ever, eat like crap, sometimes forget to eat,  probably don’t get enough hours of sleep, maybe drink a little too much.

I don’t even know what’s going on in my mind right now, just had to write this little post to clear my head.

Goodnight Journal,


[Now Playing: Perfume Genius – Sister Song] 


One thought on “Bipolar.oid”

  1. I understand not having a grey area… I sometimes am unsure if my true self is really happy or really sad.

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