The Weak Week

I am really begining to think that I need a vacation. A trip to some lovely resort isn’t necessary. A week off from work, days spent outside soaking in the January sunshine, a chance to recharge. That is exactly what I need.

Work as per usual, has been almost unbearable. I hate to throw some one under the bus, but I will because in this case it’s the truth. Big Boss is what makes the restaurant so terrible. Things go so wrong that quite a few members have exclaimed “It’s like he wants to get fired.” Essential tools constantly disappear in the kitchen. Some weeks we don’t have scrub pads or bleach. New staff aren’t given an appropriate amount of time to train. It is a nightmare. We are always short on supplies and staff. It’s a hell hole and like a vampire, it is sucking me dry.

All the love and optimism fades to a shadow the minute I walk through those doors and begin my shift. I am trying really, really hard to tough it out because I need to increase my kitchen time / management experience level. I really don’t know how much longer I can wait this out. It’s just been a steady decline of some major ass bullshit. Yup. I’m cursing. This is the level I’ve been dragged to. My top knotch work ethics now scream “Fuck It”. That’s not me. I am better than that.

The living situation has been stressfull too. When it rains must it always pour? Why not a freaking drizzle?

Between a lice epidemic, adjusting to Snoochie’s disorder, Bobo’s attitude that requires immediate adjustment, I’m running out of steam.

Of course my endless list of complaints does not end right there. The Man… its something I bit my lip on writing about. He and I both come from a past filled with hopeless addictions. We know the toll it takes on us, our relationship, our finances, and our families. We both know what’s at stake.

Addiction is why I limit my friends. It is why I rarely drink. It’s the stalker hiding in the bushes waiting to catch me off my guard. I will not surrender my soul EVER again. I found my strength and damnit I’m keeping that. Nothing will control my life and dominate me like that ever again. Nothing and no one.

The Man though, he’s a different bird. He’s a (functional) alcoholic and I accept that. I don’t bug him about it. I get it. Sometimes it does cause problems, sometimes it causes him to do weird drunken things, but for the most part – it’s not an issue.

Since last June The Man has spent over $6,000 buying in app purchases for a game he plays on his phone. He lies about it. He hides it from me. At one point I even called to canceled my bank card and filed to dispute the charges because The Man claimed the weird activity in the account was not him. I hate the fact that he spends an absurb amount of money. I hate the fact that he treats me like I’m stupid and I won’t be able to figure out it is him. I hate thinking of all the money he has spent on this. I hate feeling like this stupid game of his comes before me. I feel like this is a breech of trust and every time he does this, my faith in him takes a dive. I’m at my end.

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