i keep going back to the “my journal” list section. i refresh and refresh and refresh waiting to see new comments. why is it so important to me to see what strangers online have to say about what i write?

in seventh grade or so i had a diary-type thing that was half fictional story and half my life, until it just dissolved down to just a place for my thoughts and was no longer fiction. but it wasn’t really a “private” diary; it was on my school email’s google drive, shared with a few of my friends and eventually just one friend. but even then my diary was shared. i have an instagram where i publicly post my thoughts for strangers on the internet to read (and sometimes give advice!) as well, though i haven’t been able to post since my mom took my phone away.

i like anonymity. i like people i don’t know to tell me i’m normal and my thoughts are okay. i like people i don’t know to tell me what they think i should do. i like writing out my thoughts and sharing them with people who aren’t real, at least not in my life.

so yes, i am an attention whore. but that’s okay.

2 thoughts on “1.29.2017”

  1. Reading this made me feel like, saaaaame gurl. I’m lowkey the biggest internet attention whore ever, and I care too much about comments as well, so you’re not alone in that feeling. I would definitely follow you on Instagram; I know how good that feeling of sharing with other people is, and you’re right, it’s okay to like that feeling.

  2. “Attention whore” is a bit extream… “We are what we think ourselves to be”. You could have used attention freak it would have been a little better I suppose.

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