i keep going back to the “my journal” list section. i refresh and refresh and refresh waiting to see new comments. why is it so important to me to see what strangers online have to say about what i write?
in seventh grade or so i had a diary-type thing that was half fictional story and half my life, until it just dissolved down to just a place for my thoughts and was no longer fiction. but it wasn’t really a “private” diary; it was on my school email’s google drive, shared with a few of my friends and eventually just one friend. but even then my diary was shared. i have an instagram where i publicly post my thoughts for strangers on the internet to read (and sometimes give advice!) as well, though i haven’t been able to post since my mom took my phone away.
i like anonymity. i like people i don’t know to tell me i’m normal and my thoughts are okay. i like people i don’t know to tell me what they think i should do. i like writing out my thoughts and sharing them with people who aren’t real, at least not in my life.
so yes, i am an attention whore. but that’s okay.