Day 12 – big news!!

ITS SNOWING!!!!!

Ok, Its been about a week since i last wrote but im back.  Its been a very long week.  

For those of you that dont know i participated in some self harm last week and I was havng a lot of stuggles in my life.  I am dealing with them now and I am getting help.  it didnt go down the way i planned it too or wanted it too but oh well i guess.  

me and my girlfriend had sex finaly!! we like started a couple weeks ago but it got interupted and then life happened. it was only so so. i mean i liked it but she didnt so much. ik i will take time to figure out wat she likes and wat i like.  i feel like she wants to do certain things that i dont want to do at least not yet… we are hoping to go to her house soon and spend the weekend together.  maybe then…?? im not sure. but right now i need to work really hard on myself before i add my stress to my plate.  

Ik this seems insegnificant but my outfit really clashes today and its making me really upset. i mean i could just take my flannel off but then i would be cold and i would still have to carry it with me.  i hate carying things bc i always for get things. i also made a fort in my closet and Its so cozy and i love it.  its small which is good bc i like to be in small spaces sometimes and its privite which i like so i can get some time to my self and not have to hear my roommates yelling or having sex or my staff telling my roommate to clean her room or anything. i can just pertent the world doesnt exsist and everything will be ok – at least for the time im in my fort! 🙂 

on an even better note i got into my first choice college!!! im so excited!! they even gave me a scholarship! i didnt even apply for it they just gave it to me and its a LOT of money!! i m so excited to go visit it with my family and get a feel for what the campus is like! also ik some people who are either going there or are going to be going there so itll be great to see those people that i havent seen in a long time!

I am upset bc there are a lot of changes happening and im nervous about them!! i dont like the changes that are happening! i do hate change but it can be good at times. this time it isnt tho!!

anyways its so nice to be back! back feeling good and back to my writing! love u all!

XOXO

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