So this is my first Journal entry… I am using a fake name to protect my identity. So anyone reading this can just call me Annie. Why did I decide to sign up for this Journal website anyways? Publishing my deepest thoughts and feelings for the world to see. I think I just needed some sort of outlet. Because you see, I often have issues of getting inside of my own head. My problem in life is that I think to much. I take something and I over analyze it. Over and over. Somes solution may be to talk to a shrink. Been there done that. I find that I am able to process my own thoughts much better through typing. I am able to express myself in ways that I can’t verbally. I guess that’s a talent that comes with getting inside of your own head way to much.
So, my first thought. The thought that brought me to this online journal. A thought that I felt the need to express more in depth than I could to my 17 twitter followers and 100 and something character limit. The city. The city has a way of distracting me from what I once found so beautiful and mysterious. You would maybe think that the city is what possesses the beauty. And it does, Im not saying otherwise. But there were things that I used to be absolutely mesmerized with. Like the stars. Or cars driving by my street in the middle of the night. The beauty of these things do not come included in the “beautiful things in the city” package deal. I am not home often enough to appreciate the beauty in these things. And when I am its almost as if I have lost sight of it all. I’ve lost sight of a lot of things actually. Like hobbies. The part inside me that over analyzes everything questions if those hobbies were even real. Was it something that I had simply conducted because the guy I was infatuated with at the time was all artsy and hipster? Was it something I had did to better myself, or to impress him? I started to sketch, I would paint, I went to the park and laid in the grass just listening to music. I feel like I have either lost myself, or I just haven’t found myself yet. Now ill go to the library and rent out a book so I feel like I am gaining new knowledge but really it will sit on a shelf for three weeks until its due again. Or I go to a coffee shop and sit with my coffee pretending like I have somewhere important to be afterwards. I really need to figure out whats going on inside of my own head, and what it is I can do to start feeling involved with life again. Anyhow, I’m signing off, until next time.