39 days

That’s the count.  39 days until he’s here.  I’m feeling that familiar panic in a whole new way. I feel myself submitting…or wanting to more and more each day.  Which is crazy right? I can mostly hide it in words on a screen but I almost broke down twice today and said it.  I don’t know if in person I will be able to hide it.  I don’t know if I should.  I don’t know what he will think of me after.  

I know he has more important things to be focusing on.  I have more important things to be focusing on yet I find myself thinking about about simply kneeling at feet at least a dozen times a day.  

And I start thinking this is crazy right? This is where I should run right? But I can’t.  Thankfully I can still hide a lot from him though.  When he sees the real me and leaves….it’s going to…break my heart.  

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