That’s the count. 39 days until he’s here. I’m feeling that familiar panic in a whole new way. I feel myself submitting…or wanting to more and more each day. Which is crazy right? I can mostly hide it in words on a screen but I almost broke down twice today and said it. I don’t know if in person I will be able to hide it. I don’t know if I should. I don’t know what he will think of me after.
I know he has more important things to be focusing on. I have more important things to be focusing on yet I find myself thinking about about simply kneeling at feet at least a dozen times a day.
And I start thinking this is crazy right? This is where I should run right? But I can’t. Thankfully I can still hide a lot from him though. When he sees the real me and leaves….it’s going to…break my heart.