Log Date, 014.
I got the okay text from Chismin to come back to the house. And when I did, I was greeted by confetti and cheering. I could feel myself blush.
“We’re so proud of you!” “Way to go and branch out, dude!” “We knew you could do it!”
I was paralyzed. How was I supposed to react to so much kindness? There were so many people in my house! It was like staring into they eyes of a million Chismin’s. And then I was greeted with the eyes of the one and only.
“Hey, Chistmer! Look! All our friends are here! Isn’t this awesome??”
…what?? What was I supposed to say??
“…yeah.” I stuttered.
And everyone let out a small cheer, and the party began. That’s when I realized that I wasn’t ready for any of this.
Chismin was still close by. I took his hand (I don’t know why I didn’t take his arm) and pulled him a bit closer, to whisper.
“Chismin, I need your help. There are a lot of people here and I don’t know what to do”. And he just smiled at me.
“I’ll introduce you!” He said cheerfully.
And that’s how I got dragged from one tiny group to another, being greeted every single time with, “Hey! Here’s the party boy, Chistmer! He hasn’t been to a party in a while, and he would love to be your friend!”
Which… was only partially a lie.
After a while, I had enough of getting to know nearly everybody there. I slipped away from Chismin and went over to the long food table.
And, wow. I only gave him one piece of advice for the food, and he went all out. I seriously wanted to eat everything there. So, I did, kinda. Small bits on one paper plate.
This party was turning out pretty okay. As tired of it as I was, I was glad to meet so many new people. I was actually having fun! I even talked to a few people I was introduced to voluntarily! It was awesome.
But something inside me just didn’t feel quite right. I loved putting myself into a spot I had never been in before, but maybe I put myself in it a little too fast…
After a while, I got a glimpse of the entire house from my staircase. There were so many people, in my house. It felt like a ballroom.
And me, the host, who had this empty ballroom all to himself, with no one to share it with. And I didn’t know if I wanted this ballroom to be shared or not. Should I end it? Should I put up with it? I didn’t know. For once, I was afraid of… hurting someone.
And the feeling consumed me, like a parasite.
I don’t know what came over me. This feeling was too much. A lot of people were staring at me, now, from the floor. Including Chismin, who was trying to get my attention.
I couldn’t handle it. I collapsed on the staircase.