Friday, February 3rd

I finished my first 3 days of work. I don’t know what I think. One minute, it seems good, then next minute, not. This morning I met one of the two team leaders at the corner of 129th. Instead of walking with me the rest of the way to school, she walked super fast so she could get way ahead of me. What the hell? Why wouldn’t she walk with me and make conversation? Seem welcoming? Ask me bullshit like, so how do you like it so far? How is it going? How do you like the city? Yada, yada, yada

I am feeling pretty sad again. I am missing Noah terribly. I know I had to leave there, but it hurts to be away from him. If stupid fucking Brent wasn’t SUCH an asshole, he would have given me a chance, and we’d all be living happily together.

I don’t want to be alone, but I just don’t seem to have what it takes to find someone. I made a date for tonight, but I cancelled it. There was no fucking way I felt like getting ready and going out- AND especially since he wanted to go to a DANCE. I’m not doing that shit. Talk about out of my comfort zone. LIGHT YEARS out of my comfort zone. I would be hesitant to dance with a long term boyfriend, on a fucking first date? I think not. 

Ugh. Why can’t I just be happy? Why? Now I’m in New York, where I’ve wanted to be, and I’m still sad. I’m freaking myself out right now. I need to stop and go to bed.

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