I can’t sleep again, too anxious. Not even about school, I’m super on edge again as usual. Hyper-vigilant.
It’s already Sunday, I have school tomorrow. There’s no way I can get up at 6AM now, since its almost nearly 2 AM. 4 hours of sleep.
I’m too scared to sleep again, not sure why. Its hard to sleep when you can hear everything outside, with or without the television on. I can hear everything and feel everything, even my heartbeat as it pounds away like I’m being chased, chased by the anxiety.
Typing my thoughts down makes me a bit more sleepy though, so maybe I can go to sleep before 3AM.
I can tell my mother or father is up, not sure why. I just wish I could switch places with one of them. They sleep so easily.
This has only gotten more often. Zero sleep, sleeping in late, not exercising, overeating, mostly because I can’t sleep at a good time to get up at a decent time. Nothing gets done.
My bed is a mess, my hair is a mess, I have trash on my floor, usually I’m clean. it’s rather embarassing, since its not like me.
Tomorrow, I’m hoping I do better somehow.When did the anxiety become so crippling and apparent?Little by little over time, or overnight?Had I just not noticed it even when it became part of my life, not until it actually disrupted my schedule?Was it just something that happened in one night and I just stupidly accepted it as normal?Or it possibly happened over the course of a month without me noticing how easily it snuck its way in?
It feels like it happened out of nowhere, like it has always been this way, it doesn’t feel like I recognize it as something different from usual. So maybe its been there for longer then I assumed.
I just want to sleep. I used to never have thse problems.Nowadays, the fear is always there, from only several times a week to every night.