There has to be more…

More than this. More than being surrounded by people but feeling this alone. More than mediocre, more than tears and hiding to let them fall. More than saying I’m depressed out loud for it to only fall on deaf ears. There has to be more. 

There has to be more than feeling this empty. More than dying inside. More than this.

God I’m so lonely. 

I wish I could scream. I wish I could let it all out and know that something, even something little, would change. But I’ve said it all before. I’ve let it all out before. But nothing. 

I’m left going through the motions. Everyday. The same motions. Losing myself. Hating myself. Resenting him. I don’t want to resent him. I don’t want to feel this empty, this angry, the scared, sad and alone. 

My words are pointless. I’m slipping away, but you’d never know it. I’ve shown you the me behind the mask, but it hasn’t changed anything. So why do I keep showing you? Why can’t I just accept this? I don’t want to feel this pain anymore. I don’t want to take another breathe in this life. 

Please, just show me I’m wrong. Show me you care. Show me there’s more than this. 

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