12:08AM-Nightmares

Stayed up late to finish watching a show.I have school in about seven hours, but I’m not too concerned as long as I fall asleep directly after I write.

My anxiety hasn’t eased up. I’m aware of my heartbeat at all times. I can see it when it makes my skin move, hear it, and feel it. It just seems to make the anxiety more worse.

I feel exhausted lately, mentally and physically. I will probably say a prayer before I sleep, as I always do.

I have this fear that someone is watching me and waiting until I turn my back or fall asleep to make a move. It doesn’t help I sometimes have sleep paralysis.

I’ve also had weirdly vivid dreams, similar to nightmares, not so unbearable though. It’s always about a house, sometimes it’s a bare house with white walls, and inside the house, there are rooms inside rooms until you get to the center(an even smaller room)

I’m running, sometimes with someone else that I can’t see, I never see their face. I’m running from some man, and he follows, but he walks calmly and slowly and he smirks as if he knows where I will go next. The person I’m running with had given me a key to the center room, and we hid there, but the key slipped out of my hand and I had to go back to get it.

Sometimes I don’t see what or whom I’m running from, but I always have this feeling I’m being chased. There’s this other house with many bedrooms(every room is a bedroom). I’m trying to lock all these doors, trying to find the front door and the back door, and passing through many doors.It’s endless.

A really gruesome one is where I’m running and suddenly I slip and fall in a puddle of blood(face first), only to realize that there are dead rats that are spilling  their blood.

One nightmare that really upset me was where I was in this hospital room and I was killing my friends, I was moving so fast and killing them like I was just crazy. There was so much blood and I felt sickened and I hated myself when I woke up. I didn’t feel normal for almost a week, that’s the part that sucks.

Sometimes I think that I wake up(waking up in bed inside of  a dream and thinking it’s real), when I’m still inside the dream itself, a dream inside of a dream. Sometimes I’m aware it’s a dream but I can’t wake myself up. That’s probably the worst type of nightmare.

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