Dating

By my best guess I’m figuring he will be dating in about six months.  Maybe sooner. I want to ask him to let me know when he does…I guess just a heads up.  I think it’s better to have advanced warning.  I feel like I’m in a repeat cycle. Like my own version of hell playing over and over again.  First this will happen,  then that then this and finally I’m just someone he used to know.  Someone that doesn’t even get a second thought when that time comes.  

I have come to the conclusion I will see this through and then I will be done.  I thought after the last one I would be done and if I hadn’t met this incredible man I would have.  But I can’t handle being the transition girl anymore.  I used to look at like a public service.  The good I was doing.  Bringing two people together.  But after so many…it just hurts.  I accept it’s never going to happen for me but I can’t keep repeating this cycle anymore.  

For now though,  I play this through.  He will be here in a month and I will enjoy whatever time I get with him because I know deep down it will be the last.  But I’ve been in this position before.  I’m already his and once again I’m not walking away feeling like I could’ve given more.  

I used to feel a little shy that he would read these.  But it made me feel good that he wanted to know about me.  Of course that ended.  That’s always one of the first things to go.  The less I say the better.  It makes it easier for them.  I get that.  

I’m still planning on leaving.  He just won’t know…like everyone else in my life…where I will be living.  It doesn’t matter anyway.  

He’s got so much potential and now that he’s free to really begin his life I have no doubt he’s going to be so happy.  It won’t take for him to find that special someone.  And I will be genuinely happy when he does.  I’m happy for the last one.  She seems so perfect for him.  I know my Sir will find someone just as amazing.  And truly despite my personal hurt it makes me smile to think of him getting the happiness he deserves.  How did I let myself fall in love?? 

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