This is going to be a journal post that I’ll attempt to keep up to date. With that said, here is the real start.
If anyone is reading this, than ya’ll know the short glimpse into whats been going on with me. If not go ahead and read the “Trials and miles of the good husband”. There is a quote that someone once said and it goes a little like this,”God gives his strongest soldiers, the toughest battles.” This is a quote that has stayed with me, despite any other quotes I’ve read or heard. Despite every thing that has happened to me, the whole affair and other things that I may reveal later, hasn’t weakened but quite the opposite. I have also changed also. Let me explain, back in school I was that one kid who was constantly alone with my nose buried into a book. Not that outgoing or anything…thats who I was in school. Issue is that I was also like that out of school. Even when I first met my wife, back in high school. My wife, she is my better half…the yin to my yang…I cannot help myself when I talk about her, despite all of her flaws. I look back and can’t help but laugh at myself, I thought being alone was making me stronger but in reality it was making me weak. Having someone who you can confide in every day, or even share a true love with is something I was denying myself. I am not that good looking or have all that much suave but I am loyal and faithful to a fault. I’d walk through hell, fire and brimstone for my wife. I am still young but I feel like I am older than I am. Time will determine whether I become stronger or have my strength ebb away.
Feb. 9, 2017
Lately I cannot stop about thinking about certain events that have happened these past few months. I am always afraid that I’m going to mess up and loose everything I’ve worked so hard to gain. I told my wife that I want to try for another child but she said that she is afraid of another miscarrige; but, I often wonder. Is she truly afraid or is she just using that as an excuse to leave the next chance she gets? My mind is still in chaos, which is slowly bleeding into my life and work. Don’t even ask me about my mental state. Why am I beating myself up for what happened? Am I the one who kinda made it easy for my wife to have an affair and get on drugs or should I blame that on her bipolar? My heart melts every time I see a little baby…just typing that makes me smile and fills my heart with joy. I am have 26 years of my life underneath me but I feel like I’ve aged prematurely. Despite all of my depression, I know that I’ve made the right choice about marrige, that much is clear to me. A few questions still remain, though. Am I loyal to a fault? Do I worry too much? Will my marrige continue to stay strong? Too many questions and not enough answers…which worrys me a bit.