Midnight Musings

Outside there is a chill in the air, stars glisten over head, and I can hear the gentle hum of a car traveling up the road. Not too far away there is a small patch of woods and the rail road tracks that run across my town. The whole scene is very quiant. I imagine, some one who is a better artist than me, could paint a lovely picture of the landscape. It’d probably remind you of older movies like Stand By Me. 

Next to me, my beloved is snoring away. He always snores. After 15 some odd years of marriage and I still grimace along to the notes of  his clanging and harsh lullalbye. It rattles the walls and wakes the dead.

We had a good day today, my family and I. The girls spent much of the morning locked away in their bedroom chattering. I could hear their giggles through our paper thin walls. I love it when they get along. Deedee has friends, but refuses to hang out with any one outside of school. She’s a recluse and a homebody. That’s why it makes me so happy when Snoochie endulges Deedee and lets her play make up artist. Deedee loves to give her younger sister make overs. Deedee is a girly girl. Snoochie is a tom boy. Deedee is an introvert. Snoochie is an extrovert. Days like today, they are the definition of sisters.

My relationship with my sister is broken, chaotic, and toxic. I’ve always felt jealous of sisters that got along. Our relationship is strained because essentially my older sister raised me and she resents me for that. I got a childhood and she did not. I understand why she feels the way she does, but I wish she could understand I never wanted to burden her like that. I never should have been her responsibility. Family is complicated. 

My family is without a doubt, the most important thing in the world to me. I am not a perfect mom, but I let love guide me in this path. 

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