4:26 PM-Mental Disturbance

I don’t feel like exercising today, too anxious once again. Maybe it’s really starting to take over my life, the anxiety.I’m just hoping it goes away like it has once before.

School was okay today and I managed to get all my assignments in, minus the ones requiring a computer.

I’ve been eating a lot since I’m anxious. My grandfather came over to visit and our dog just got back from getting x-rays on her hind leg.

I stayed in most of the rest of the day. The normal route I go walking has this rundown shed we use for storage. There’s an open back to it that’s covered by shrubs and small trees that shadow the area, it’s also a tight squeeze to go behind it since it connects with the next door neighbors fence. I can’t help but feel uneasy. I approach it from the back of the shed, not the front, so of course I can never see if anyone is hiding there.

I’m totally paranoid and overly anxious, I’m beginning to panic at times. I’ve never been able to have a panic attack, that’s physically impossible for me(so I believe). I should have had one years ago, but I’ve never quite had one. Still, I would say I’m on the verge of panic to the point I’ll burst into tears without realizing it.

Not being able to sleep only magnifies the effects.

Am I scared? I guess that’s how I feel a lot lately. I check the sides of my bed and underneath every night(Plus in the closet, behind the curtains, and behind me), like a ritual. I’m not even sure what in the world I’m anxious about, if it’s anything at all. I haven’t had hallucinations, so I think I’m okay, so far. I feel like I should be cautious at all times. No, that’s just how I am. It’s not even my choice to choose to be cautious or not. I just am. Overly cautious. I feel like I have to sleep with my eyes open in order to sleep at night, which can’t happen.

I’ll probably just take sleeping pills tonight, along with some tea. Maybe I need to start taking some herbal supplements again to help me relax.

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