This is from my paper journal, just decided to share….
What are you going to do with me? Some random thoughts….
I find myself at a interesting crossroads in my life — well perhaps not a crossroad, but more of a raging intersection. The last 24 months have been like watching a slow motion car crash and knowing full well that there isn’t a bloody thing I can do about stopping it.
Such as Life….
We all have periods of time that seem to explode with “happenings” – a succession of years that pound and dole out the unexpected and it leaves one feeling quite helpless indeed. And then – the calm, the reflection, the time for decision making that one has to do in order to turn the chaos into some sort of manageable order.
Its all daunting , but do-able.
For the first time in 25 years or so, I feel alone. It’s wildly weird and wonderful and probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me. No one to answer too, or argue with, or sort out or save or hoist or drag down the road behind me. I can finally breathe, I didn’t even know I wasn’t breathing, that’s the really funny thing.
Life can become a complete blur without you knowing it.
We don’t stop
My father dying was sad, but not unexpected. It was slow and tedious and terrifying. But people die. It was an amazing experience and I learned a lot about myself and the people around me. Mostly about my siblings.
My mother is spiraling into the abyss of dementia, but thankfully she is the only one who doesn’t know. Dementia is a disease that is much worse for the people who don’t have it.
You have to laugh loud and long or you won’t survive it, and you have to lean on your friends.
You have to ask for help.
You can not do it alone.
And you have to stay in the moment you’re iin and not live even one single hour in the future. Now!!!
Little update since this entry, I have fallen madly and deeply in love with a wonderful man! I am sure he will be there for me through all my life’s curves.