Log Date, 025.
Chismin came over, as predicted, and we did the usual: watched TV, ate food, head on shoulder, the whoop came back. It was all good.
“Chistmer, can I ask you something?” He asked me after a bit. “Am I your friend?”
I just smiled. Of course he was! I told him just that, and he got a cute smile on his face. He snuggled up to me, and I froze again.
He had been so nice to me. His kind gestures, his loving additude, his selflessness. It took me back to the party, and how he took care of me. He told me that he would help me take one step at a time with being social, and he kissed my hand. I think I know what he meant, now. Chismin is the first step. He was trying to warm up to me, be my friend. He’s succeeded.
But I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I barely got any sleep on this last night. I know now. The whoop had been so confusing to me before.
Now I know. I want to be more than a friend to Chismin. Is that what he was going for, too?
I thought back to the party again, at that moment. I lowered the TV volume and looked at Chismin. We we’re both making direct eye contact, sitting, just staring. I took his hand.
“Chismin, remember the party from about two weeks ago?”
“Yeah?” He asked.
“That made me realize something important. That made me realize that you were going to try and be my friend.”
He just smiled at me wider. I almost stopped there. I didn’t want to risk taking that smile away, but I pushed on. I took a deep breath.
“Over the course of these past two weeks, I’ve loved spending time with you. It felt so weird at first, but now its something I can look forward to every day. I love seeing you, Chismin.”
A bigger smile. I didn’t think that the last one could get any bigger. The bigger the smile, the more I didn’t want to risk taking it away. I pushed on.
“You’re my best friend.. but..”
Another deep breath. I was stuck…
“…I just love spending time with you. Thank you.”
He gasped, and hugged he super tight. I could feel love radiate from inside him. I hoped he could reserve some of that love for me. I hoped he could feel the love I had for him.
I’ll confess to him soon, I’m sure. Confess what, though?
I don’t know. I think I want to be more than friends.