I’d like to take this moment and say, sorry doc. I know you said I need to write more, but I promised and still didn’t deliver. I’m sorry.
I’ve been a submissive as far back as I can remember. My brother is also a dom. He knew what I was before I even knew. My first dom was my ex husband. We had a great relationship. He tip toed on the verge of a dom and care taker. After a while he was just too scared to keep up with being a dom because he wanted to just care for me. I think that’s totally fine, but not something I wanted. I love him. I’ll always love him. He is a good man and didn’t deserve the heartbreak that I caused. I was never in love with him. I was raised, you graduate high school and then you get married. That’s exactly what I did. My brother begged for me to wait, but like all 19 year olds, I knew more than him.
I wished I would of waited. Then again, I knew if I did, I’d never get married. Now I know what it’s like to be married. Marriage is hard. VERY hard. It did however, teach me a lot. Maybe if I was in love, it would of been a totally different experience for me. My parents were very disappointed with me. I almost didn’t go through with it, because of them. I mean realllllllyyyy close. My brother however told me in the long run, it’s my life. I’m the one that has to live with it and if I’m not happy, I shouldn’t keep on.
Being in a relationship and having a dom and sub relationship on top of that, is rough. It blurrs the lines for me, A LOT. How can I be a girlfriend and a sub and still get what I need without fear of being hurt or a fight starting.
I’m in a relationship and I have a dom. Tonight made me think maybe I need to to just have one or the other. Everything is blurred and the relationship part of me wants to be a certain way, but the sub or me wants to do another. Then sometimes both come out and it confuses me. So do I have a relationship and no dom or a dom and no boyfriend. Sigh. I don’t know.